Saturday, January 22, 2011
I love being in the car with my girls. They are sure to come up with something witty almost every trip somewhere.
Yesterday we were driving along and Michaela was asking questions about the way things used to look when I was a little girl. I was telling her that things were a little different back then. There are new roads and buildings now that weren't there before. She ponders this thought for a little while and then proceeds to ask me a doozy of a question. She says, "Mom, were you alive when the dinosaurs were alive?" Ummm....NO! My goodness, I am not even thirty yet and my kids think I walked with the dinosaurs! That just confirms it....I am NEVER having my 30th birthday! Hmmpff.....
Thursday, January 20, 2011
1 Peter 5:7 (New Living Translation)
7 Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.
It's funny to me to think that someone would think that Christians have it all together or their life is always happy and easy. This is not the case. We struggle just like everyone else. The only difference is that we have someone we can lean on and a place to lay all of our struggles. We have a way to find peace. It's an amazing feeling. However, that doesn't mean that our hearts don't hurt over many things.
I have been having an extremely difficult time lately. I have been wallowing in a pit of sadness for a while. I have been angry and hurt over the loss of our church family for a year now. We are still struggling to find a place where we feel we belong. We have had a trickle-down effect from that loss. Many of my friends that I used to have a connection with have moved in different directions. I don't have that friend time that I once had. I don't have any involvement with any "mom" groups/ministries like I used to. I miss it....I crave it.....I am angry that I don't have it. I know that this, in turn, has an effect on my home life. I feel sort of like I am stuck. I am "Mom" all of the time. I don't ever get to just be Jennifer. I don't have time where I get to get away from the house and just enjoy my friendships with other women. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids and I love my husband, but I also love myself and find myself craving some time for just me.
I am also coming up on the first anniversary of the death of one of my best friends(view her obituary here). March 22nd. is the day that she died. I am struggling a lot with this upcoming day. I wish desperately that cancer hadn't taken her so soon. I am torn between mourning her death and celebrating her new life and her ended suffering. I want her to be here and happy and watching her daughter grow up. But I also would never ask her to continue to suffer. I miss her a lot.
The other day I was listening to the radio when I heard a song that I really needed to hear. It is the song "Cry Out to Jesus" by Third Day. It was a huge reminder that when life gets like this that I need to just leave it with Him. I need to allow all of my struggles and worries to be heard through prayer. I have been working very hard at just letting Him deal with these issues and solve them in His time. It has been a hard lesson for me. I am still learning how to deal with my "valley" and how to get through it. It's literally one day at a time.