Interesting Topic

While I was at my MOPS group this morning, we had a wonderful chat during our table discussion time. We talked about friends and forming friendships with other mommies. We also talked about two women being friends where one has entered the world of mommy-dom and the other hasn't. We were able to speak openly and honestly about our roles in our friendships and how we can grow new friendships and many other things. It was nice to see other points of view on this topic!

Well, this brings me to my main point. It seems amazing to me that once you enter the world of mommyhood that you get soooo many judgments from other mommies. These mommies can be friends, acquaintances, co-workers, neighbors....anyone!

Some women believe that you NEED to breastfeed in order to feel a "special bond" with your child. Some also think that you NEED to let your child wean themselves and that parent-led weaning is somehow detrimental to a child's health and overall emotional well-being. Wanna know what I think of this??? I think that it is a bunch of hooey! I had an UNBELIEVABLE bond with my first daughter and I only BF for the first three weeks of her life due to some various issues! I loved her from the moment I laid my eyes on her and every time that I gave her a bottle, I knew that I was giving her nourishment, strength, love, care and my undivided attention. This was different than with my second and third child. I BF my second child until I returned to work and with my third child, I moved mountains to make our BF relationship work. I BF for six months and then I decided that it was time to make the switch. I did NOT feel any closer to my second two children than my first. I loved them all the same and was bonded just the same to all of them. I knew that I would die for any of them and still feel that to this day. Why is this such a big deal from mom to mom? Why do we feel the need to judge other moms by how they decide to feed their child? Now, obviously, BF is Bestfed, but the options are there and ultimately it shouldn't matter what you choose. If a mom wants to breastfeed, I think that everyone around her should give her support and encouragement that she needs and deserves. BUT....if a mom wants to formua feed....I think the same respect should be paid.

Another thing that moms like to compare is circumcised vs intact babies. Now, granted, I have no sons and I never had to make this decision but I am pretty darn sure what our decision would be. Why do moms play the guilt card when it comes to this? Why do they try to play the "it's a violation of your son's human rights" card to moms who choose to circ? Let me just say this.....my children have only the basic human rights. They have a right to life, a right to be fed and clothed, loved, never abused, and they have the right to any other basic human need out there. I, as their mother, have the right to make decisions on their behalf that I think is for their own good. Just as mothers of intact babies have the right to decide that they want their children to make that decision when they are older. I don't care if you want your son to wait until he is 18 to make that choice, so why do you care if I make the choice for him? I have the right to decide that circ my son is the safest and most hygenic option for us. I am, in fact, their mother and until they turn 18, have ALL of the decision making power in their life. I will make decisions to the best of my ability and if you don't like it, then you will just have to sit back and shut up. I make my decisions and you make yours. No need to judge and belittle for these choices. They are personal decisions and no one has the right to berate you for them.

Another thing that some moms feel is a super special accomplishment is the ability to push a baby out of your body. Why oh why is this something that moms feel the need to compare with others? I was speaking to a mom that I live near and she really wanted me to know that there is "nothing like having a vaginal birth. It was the most special thing ever and it just doesn't compare to anything else". Well, let me tell you something......all of my babies were by c-section and I feel like just as much of a mom as the next woman. I grew those babies for nine long months just like everyone else. I loved them, and cared for them and spoke to them while they were in the womb. I ended up having a c-section(while not by choice) and now my babies are here. They are happy, healthy, vibrant, beautiful and thriving. I don't feel like I am missing out. I am a mom. This was the result that I wanted. I didn't get pregnant for the labor....I got pregnant for the child. In my personal experience with childbirth(yes, it IS childbirth even if they didn't come out the birth canal)I am soooo lucky that c-sections are available and successful! My first daughter came out butt first. That has high potential for serious problems. With a c-section, she came out PERFECT. And with my last child....I would be dead without a c-section. Yep, you read that right! DEAD! I would have bled to death and my children would be without a mother. Not ALL c-section moms are just the mindless statistic. We don't all just follow the almighty doctor. A lot of us make informed decisions and feel that we are doing the best thing by having that c-section. We go into it knowing what our risks are and what our options are. I am at peace with my decision and no one has the right to make me second guess that. I thank the Lord every single day that he let me continue my life on earth to raise my children. I want to add to this that I am soooo proud of vag birth mamas! I think that they are amazing and wonderful and strong and all around awesome! But at the same time, I don't find it fair for some women to feel like they are part of some special club if they gave birth naturally. And the same goes for c-section mamas. We aren't in a special club all on our own either. Our natural birthing counterparts ended up with the same end result as us. We are all moms! I want all moms to realize that no matter how their babies come into this world that we are all still mothers. The method isn't what is important, it's the end result.

Okay, I think that is enough with my soapbox! This has just weighed heavily on my mind for a while and I needed to get it out there!